February 3, 2014 2.50 am
Again, couldn't sleep. My body is exhausted yet my mind's restless. There are things that got me a little bit upset today, and I'm ashamed to admit that it mostly had something to do with my non-compromising attitude.
I met a good friend here in Taichung. We're of the same age, although she's 2 years my senior in college (She's a junior, I'm a freshman). We're in good terms, and I feel comfortable being with her, due to her maturity and deep insight. Yet, lately I found many obnoxious things about her. I'm not proud of feeling this way, because it's really not a big deal. But somehow I feel so annoyed that I think I need to write about it.
When we were on a bus to a night market in the city, I talked to her about my problem (which I'm gonna post later), and got very little response. She took it very lightly as if tried to disregard it and change the topic to her own liking. What else if not about her professor/dream guy. To tell the truth, I'm bored already everytime she mentioned about him. I got the sense that the professor's somehow didn't see her the way she wanted him to. Why? Well, maybe because he feels that it's a bit inappropriate to have a romantic relationship with his own student, or ex-student in this matter. She hasn't received a reply from him until now when he's been in the city for several days, when he'd promised her to contact her when he's here, isn't it obvious already? Yet she chose to be ignorant and avoid the reality that he might not be that into her. That's right. I wanted to tell her that but I didn't cause it seems too mean. As a friend I want to be supportive, but hey, I expect better from someone as smart as she is! Oh why can't she suck it up and move on already??
Another thing is that, I feel that she's now too comfortable with me, in a way that she shows no hesitance in asking favors. I know that she's a bit short on money, so she's always being careful with spending it. That I can totally understand, but I don't like it that when I bought the food she just bluntly asked for some. Yeah, I might sound too stingy, but as for me, I'd rather seal up my craving or buy some myself. I could see that she wanted to eat, but didn't want to spend anything if she could. This kind of attitude's just a bit unclassy to me. It's fine if you take free samples if you're hungry, but when it comes to eating your friend's food, either being offered to do so or asking for it your self, at least you can show some decency with not taking as little as you can. That's how I was taught and raised. Not to mention that beforehand she asked me whether I have some pimple cream for treating her newly pimple outbreak. Which to me it's actually nothing compared to mine (Why don't you just let your skin heal itself, really?) Sometimes people just try to be polite and doesn't mean what they say, so be wise by not exploiting their kindness.
Last, but not least, she makes me feel uncomfortable about my spending. Because of what I told her, she was under the impression of me being under rough financial situation. In a way it's not a false truth, but it's not entirely true either. Although I'm determined to be as prudent with my money as I can, every now and then I feel the urge to splurge on something, take snacks or stationery for example. And I actually can still afford that. I feel sorry for her having to work long hours of part-time jobs to support herself, but that doesn't make her have the right to be my advisor in regard to what I should or shouldn't buy. Just this afternoon when she swung by to my room, she saw my new coat. I bought it some days ago, and deliberately didn't tell her about it. She complimented it, and asked how much I bought it for; " Is it more than 500 dollars? No? 1000 perhaps?" What the hell? Sorry, but I'm not comfortable being asked in that kind of tone (I can't describe it, but it just makes you feel uneasy to tell). Generally I don't mind being asked this kind of question, but there are some exceptions I guess. And since money is a delicate matter for her, I couldn't understand why she had to take the trouble poking around someone else's business. If I were her I'd rather not know, see what I mean?
When we walked past a store which sells these beautiful coats, I couldn't help but stop by and caress the one I like and flip the price tag. You know what she did? She whisked me away from there, saying "You already have a new one". WHAT THE HECK.
Needless to say that this is not the first time to happen. Everytime I'm getting close to somebody as a friend, I always find things in her/him that I can hardly accept, like this one. Is it wrong that in order to mantain my good relationship with anybody, I must set some boundary and let no closeness, or rather too much of it, come between us? It's just like the saying: "the abscence makes the heart grow fonder". I don't know....
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