Ode to My Father

A person can only hurt you when they hold a special heart in your heart. As much as I hate to admit it, you do stay in my heart, because you’re my dearest family. We do have a long history of love and hate relationship, but the nature of our relationship always let love prevail. Not anymore. Your cruel and thoughtless words are like a sharp blade you strike through my vulnerable heart over and over again. Now it’s bleeding profusely, and I’m dying inside.

I recalled you once said that each child was different. Like plants, some need water poured every day, while some like cactus, able survive for months without even a single drop of it. Now I know that you were referring to me when you said that. I was and the cactus and still am. It’s fine if you can only manage to give me very little of your love and affection. I can live with that. I don’t need that much anyway.  But it’s hard for me to be okay when you always verbally attack me.  Don’t you forget, I have thorns that can hurt you right back too.

Thank you for making me see a failure and worthless person every time I look in the mirror

Thank you for always wanting things for me that I never cared to do nor have

Thank you for allowing me to believe that I was not worthy of your loving attention

Thank you for making me believe that I could only do so much to create my own future, one that’s free from your limiting view.

Thank you for doing all this.

And now, thank you for making me realize that I was wrong.

I’m going to live anyway.  And I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving that what you’ve done will hurt me no more. Instead I’ll soar high into the sky, going to places you’ve never even dared to imagine.

 I guess it’s about time for me to clear some space for someone far more deserving.

From Me to Me

Today I received a short message I dedicated to myself nearly 8 months ago, supposedly to be open 1 year from then. This was it:

"You know you came all the way to Taiwan for a good reason, so hopefully when you read this letter, you are still making efforts to make it come true. You have come this far, it is an extraordinary achievement in itself. I am so proud of you and wishing all the best for you.

Don't ever give up on your dream, your passion, because without them you are nothing."

With love,


I think it's not a coincidence that it came on the very same day when I'm disappointed with my family. I guess I should only believe in myself and rely on none else but my own.

Family?

10.03 PM

Just got in touch with my family over Skype, after weeks without any news. Now I know why I always feel detached from them. It's becoming clear and clearer. I'm not going to go into details here, but they say family are those who root for you, those who you can turn to when things go wrong. Those who can make you feel better no matter what. But my people are no such things, sadly.